I pick up a fare in one of the Lower Greenville residential areas. When I get there, I drive up to the house, and there's a slender young man, wearing pastel pink khakis and a gingham button-down shirt, standing behind a large black truck...as if he was hiding from somebody. I drive up, and here's what happens:
Simon: Hey there, my name is Simon, did you request an Uber ride?
Passenger: Yeah man, I did.
---Passenger enters the car and tells me to "just go."---
Simon: Where would you like me to take you tonight?
---At this point in time, a female (fully dressed) and a shorter fellow dressed in a t-shirt and blue boxer briefs, comes running towards my car barefoot, with his penis swinging around---
Blue Briefs: Dude! Where are you going? Come back inside!
Passenger: No way man, I'm going back to the apartment!
Blue Briefs: Come on man, let's just spend the night here tonight.
Passenger: No! I want to sleep in my own bed!
Blue Briefs: We can just sleep on the couch, no big deal.
Passenger: NO, MAN! I don't want to sleep on a couch, I want to sleep in MY OWN BED.
Blue Briefs: Dude, it'll be fine. Just come back inside.
Annoying Girl: Come on, let's go back inside!
Passenger: I'm doing the responsible thing, and not driving home. I've already called the cab. Let the man do his job! Leave me alone! I'm going home! What, if we leave, are you going to tip the cabbie?
Annoying Girl: Yes we'll tip him!
Blue Briefs: Dude, let's go back inside.
Passenger: Hey man, I'm sorry to waste your time...
Blue Briefs: DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK, ARE YOU COMING OR NOT.
Passenger: You know what? Fuck you. No I'm not coming. I'm going back to the apartment.
Blue Briefs: Well give me back my keycard then. It's my card!
Passenger: (throws keycard at Blue Brief's face) FINE. I don't need your card. I'll get back in another way.
--Blue Briefs now reaches into the car and punches Passenger in the face--
Annoying Girl: Oh my God, is this really happening? IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?
Passenger: Did you just do that? Are you fucking serious? Did you fucking just hit me? YOU ASKED FOR THIS.
--Passenger proceeds to pull Blue Briefs into my backseat, puts him in a headlock, and punches his kidneys several times. I then push the "Begin Trip" and start my meter.--
Annoying Girl: OH MY GOD. OH MY HOD. OH MY GOD. IS THIS HAPPENING?! IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?! OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD.
--Passenger somehow opens my other side door, and rolls out onto the curb with Blue Briefs. Passenger immediately mounts Blue Briefs, and starts ground'n'pounding.--
Annoying Girl: OH MY GOD. STOP! STOP IT! STOP! IS THIS HAPPENING?! IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?! OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. STOP!!
Passenger: YOU ASKED FOR THIS. YOU HIT ME FIRST. FUCK YOU.
--Passenger gets off of Blue Briefs, and begins to walk away. Blue Briefs props himself up on the sidewalk with one arm, and wipes his bleeding face with other hand. Passenger then proceeds to kick Blue Briefs into the pavement. Blue Briefs proceeds to get up and limp back into the house.--
Annoying Girl: What is wrong with you?! Every time, I am on your side, but now you do this shit! What the hell is wrong with you!?
Passenger: He started it! Did you not see him hit me in the face?!
Passenger: (speaking to me) Hey man, I'm sorry you had to see all that. You can go, I'm staying here.
---
That fare, I made $4.70 and got to watch a drunken MMA match. Awesome.
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